APPLICATION FOR PERMISSION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER

NOTE: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your doctor.

NAME______________________________________ DATE OF BIRTH______________

HEIGHT____________ WEIGHT_____________ IQ__________ GPA_____________

SOCIAL SECURITY #___________________ DRIVERS LICENSE #________________

BOY SCOUT RANK AND BADGES______________________________________________

HOME ADDRESS__________________________ CITY/STATE___________ ZIP_____

Do you have parents? ___Yes ___No
If No, explain:______________________________________________________________________

Number of years they have been married _____________________________________

If less than your age, explain______________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Do you own a van? _______________

A truck with oversized tires? _______________

A waterbed?_______________

A pickup with a mattress in the back?_______________

Do you have an earring, nose ring, or a belly button ring? _______________

             Tattoo?_______________

(IF YES TO THE ABOVE, DISCONTINUE APPLICATION AND LEAVE PREMISES)

In 50 words or less, what does LATE mean to you?______________________________

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does "DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER" mean to you?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

In 50 words or less, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?

______________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________________

Church you attend ______________________________________________________

How often you attend ___________________________________________________

When would be the best time to interview your:

        Father? _____________

       Mother? _____________

       Pastor? _____________

Answer by filling in the blank. Please answer freely, all answers are confidential.

A: If I were shot, the last place I would want shot would be:

_____________________________________________________________________

B: If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken is my:

_____________________________________________________________________

C: A woman's place is in the:

_____________________________________________________________________

D: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is:

_____________________________________________________________________

What do you want to do IF you grow up? _____________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________________

What is the current going rate of a hotel room? _____________________

I SWEAR THAT ALL INFORMATION SUPPLIED ABOVE IS TRUE AND CORRECT TO THE
BEST OF MY KNOWLEDGE UNDER PENALTY OF DEATH, DISMEMBERMENT, NATIVE
AMERICAN ANT TORTURE, CRUCIFIXION, ELECTROCUTION, CHINESE WATER
TORTURE, RED HOT POKERS, AND HILLARY CLINTON KISS TORTURE.


_______________________________________
Signature (that means sign your name, moron!)

Thank you for your interest. Please allow four to six years for processing.

You will be contacted in writing if you are approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If your application is rejected, you will be notified by two gentleman wearing white ties carrying violin cases (you might watch your back).